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  1. Just in case somebody accidently stumbles across this blog:

    On this day, 32 years ago, a child was born. This child went home to a trailer park in Arkansas. Three Wise Men did not appear. If they did, he would not have spent 18.5 years in the public school system. As the boy matured, storytellers recall his incredible athletic prowess. Offers from major league football and baseball teams were sidelined due to a knee injury. A knee injury his friends are constantly reminded of. Long ago, there was an affordable and accessible institution known as the U of M. Young Martin applied, was accepted, started, and there began to really grow as a member of society. He arrived at the bastion of armchair liberalism with in an old Z-car, with a 20gauge break-action hidden under the hatch. He walked the campus in a brown leather jacket, and dark hair so long he had to climb a tree to take a shit. Initially, he meets a group of friends but drifted away from them. If he’s ever down on himself, which as we know never happens, at least young Shotgun Andrade can look at this group and smile today. Later he meets a better group of friends, although also of questionable ethnic heritage and questionable temperance. But they share almost the exact same birthdays, and all were born about 9 months after the light shining from the Reagan inauguration. At school, young Shotgun joins the mock debate team, and becomes a master debater. He also succeeds with the U of M Orchestra, while beginning involvement in campus politics. In the summers, he leverages his Portuguese and Mexican heritage as being naturally skilled with a knife and manual labor, to work as a bar bouncer. Shotgun Andrade decides the U of M needs more of him, and spends an extra 1.5 years there after his friends have graduated. In that time, he becomes a professional long drive champion, skilled newspaper editorialist, President of a student organization, valued member of the Fees Committee, and rises to the rank of Speaker of the House in the student assembly. On the outside, he gained experience running for the State House, and also became a local legend as a talk show host. Once he was finished with the U of M, he gained additional political experience working for a conservative organization, travelling the cesspools of today’s campuses to encourage like-minded young minds. From there, he returned home to the beautiful lake country of Alexandria, MN. He gained considerable retail experience in the Sports Memorabilia industry. Unfortunately, federal law enforcement thought otherwise of the establishment, and he was released from employment despite a perfect record. To buff his conservative credentials, young Shotgun spent the next few years on the government’s teat, learning the system he hopes to someday improve. Being a great family man, this gave him time for family, and to devote to his novel-writing passions. As the government teat ran dry, he sent out millions of resumes, but decided to learn from the ground up at two local mass merchandisers. That is where we find him today, fine-tuning his skills in retail, while also crafting top-quality novels, blogging, and offering unsolicited political, golf and baseball commentary on the facebooks. Happy Birthday, Slim-

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