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Christmas Gift Guide VII: Last Minute

It’s coming down the stretch.

You’re so desperate for an idea you’ve actually googled “last minute Christmas gift guide” and found yourself here.



That’s right, buy gasoline as part of your last minute flurry. It should be simple enough, the one thing none of the big box retailers are running out of are gas cans.

Buy gas can, buy gas.

You might not believe me when I say this will work, so let’s take a look at why five gallons of gas could be an Impact Gift:

It’s an investment. You think gas prices will remain low forever? I doubt it. In a year or two there’s a very real chance this kind of investment could double in price.

It contributes to global warming. Warmth is a prerequisite for life. In a way, not burning gasoline means you hate the Earth.

It can keep you warm. And I don’t mean through global warming, gasoline is great for starting campfires, bonfires or wildfires. People die in the cold in winter, having a gas can filled with gasoline can prevent that. Giving gasoline could save a life.

It’s not hard to find. Three a.m. Christmas Day? You can still get gasoline from a 24 hour self-serve station.

It’s the Adventure stupid. Gasoline is what takes you on a road trip. You’re not giving away a foul-smelling remnant of long extinct life, you’re giving away the ability to magically transport people a 100 miles to faraway lands filled with an alien culture (Wisconsin).

It can be re-gifted in exothermic form to writers in search of inspiration.

Plus, I doubt you’ll ever be forgotten by the recipient. Gasoline is the very definition of an Impact Gift.


2 Responses

  1. Were you secretly writing about flatulence? There’s a lot of that going around this year.


  2. Ah, Merry Christmas, ya big lug.

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