I wrote my “transition report” for the new speaker of MSA the honorable Kevin Wendt. The letter is frankly too good to leave between us, so I’ll publish it here. The idea is that I’m giving Kevin all he needs to know, even though I got nothing and he knows everything already. I wish him the best of luck as speaker of MSA.

Kevin,

I’m not sho’nuff whut this hyar repo’t will does fo’ yo’; mah guess is thet yo’ haf about ev’rythin’ a speaker needs t’git thin’s done. Sartinly a grim face, a master of Billy Bob’s Rules, not t’menshun fine judgment. I’m not a-gonna leckure yo’ on impartiality o’ on runnin’ meetin’s. Yo’ also haf a love an’ belief in MSA thet even now ah lack.

No suh, ah cannot give ya’ much.

But ah do haf a few thin’s fo’ yo’, one is th’ attachment of all th’ rules changes. Mah recommendashun on th’ rules is simple, read them, dawgone it. When th’ rules don’t make sense, make th’ right decishun. When makin’ decishuns, ah w’d keep fairness a top prio’ity. Puffickion is th’ enemah of fine inough.

Be flexible, th’ palm tree survives th’ hurricane this hyar way.

Don’t lose th’ gavel, ah paid fo’ thet bitch outta pocket.

Know th’ histo’y of MSA, thar is a packet on thet which I’ll give yo’. Do some online research through th’ MNDaily website t’see whar our group has been recently. Read Billy Bob’s Rules, be familiar wif th’ Senate rules, an’ watch th’ British House of Commons. Mr. Nath an’ ah have both had an English view of debate, it bein’ mo’e lively an’ interestin’.

Be skeppical, ah reckon.

Varmints haf their ideas of thin’s, an’ they take upon themselves them ideas like they take upon mo’e Holy matters. Some even fo’git Holy matters intirely. Keep yer faif close t’yo’.

Th’ resolushuns fo’ th’ last semester is bein’ bundled, an’ I’m writin’ out th’ amendments t’them, an’ hopefully they’ll git typed up. But resolushuns is meanin’less in th’ gran’ scheme of thin’s. We haf fo’ty years (47 acshully) of resolushuns, an’ t’compile them’d take sevahal volooms, let alone th’ time t’read them, dawgone it. Our o’ganizashun has corntradicked itse’f offen. ah w’d put no faif in ennythin’ thet happened befo’e 2002.

Have a loud voice when needed, cuss it all t’ tarnation. Look tired when ya’ar. When someone screws up a moshun, try t’he’p them, dawgone it.

Smile.

Git a stopwatch.

Read thet cornsteetooshun of ours. Don’t read th’ office policy.

Yo’ haf mo’e than ah got. Th’ old MSA is now gone fo’evah wif th’ graduashun of mahse’f an’ Mr. Dyer. Thet old MSA is bess lef’ daid.

Mah last decishun as Speaker is thet th’ MSA eleckshuns were held in a fair manner, thet th’ votes were counted proper, th’ results legitimate. In fo’um, varmints look t’yo’ fo’ o’der an’ leadership. Don’t bo’e them, don’t waste their time, don’t allow exec varmints t’do th’ same. They set an’ look atcha. Remember they is hopin’ fo’ yer success too, so be cornfident.

Yer th’ judicato’ of this hyar o’ganizashun. Don’t let ennyone challenge yer power. Th’ Speaker kin suspend enny ackshun at enny time. Ah used thet power once, pray yo’ don’t need t’use it.

An’ gain some weight.

Sincerely,

The Honorable Shotgun Andrade